7 Inexpensive Beauty Finds You Need to Try Before You Die… and You Will Die Someday

Believe it or not, some of the best beauty products won’t require you to break the bank… and you can find them at your local pharmacy or grocery store! Also, mortality takes each of us, some quicker than others, and every new day is a constant reminder that we’re inching one step closer to the end.

1. Full Throttle Lipstick, “Trickster” — NYX, $7

NYX has been popping up everywhere lately — from end-caps at Walgreens to their own section in Macy’s. And it’s for good reason; they consistently release quality products at affordable prices. So much of my personal cosmetics collection comprises various lipsticks, glosses, and eye-shadows from NYX. I’m a big fan of their matte lip glosses — especially the lip suede and lingerie collections — but my hands-down favorite of theirs has to be this tiny-but-mighty matte rouge lipstick. The purple/magenta hue is divine, the formula is perfect, making for a soft and smooth application and the color lasts a while, even after sipping on my morning coffee! I always have this one handy in my purse, just in case I need to spruce up quick before going somewhere.

Also always in my purse? Funeral cards from family members as mementos of my dearly departed. Keepsakes that remind me of how fast death can take us all.

2. Breath of Fresh Air Toner — Lush, $10.95

Toner is a quick and refreshing way to cleanse the skin and shrink the appearance of pores. For a long time I ignored using this product, assuming it was just plain water in a spray bottle sold at a high markup, but after months of spritzing some toner on my face before moisturizing or right before using a face mask, I can attest that it does wonders. The LUSH toners are especially ideal, as they’re alcohol-free and use all-natural ingredients to make the skin feel refreshed. The scent is faint but pleasant.

Not a faint but pleasant scent? A spritzer made of formaldehyde, glutaraldehyde, methanol, humectants and wetting agents.

3. All-Nighter Makeup Setting Spray (Travel Size) — Urban Decay, $15

Yes, DO believe all the hype you’ve heard about Urban Decay’s makeup setting spray. Sure, this one may not be available at every drug store and costs a bit more — but it’s an investment worth making! The “long-lasting” claim isn’t a lie, a few spritzes of this bad boy will keep your makeup looking fresh even after a long night of partying, dancing and sweating.

And days later, when they find your body washed up on the shore, limbs bruised and broken, with an eel slithering out of your right ear, your glitter eyeshadow and matte lipstick will probably still look pretty fresh.

4. Superstay Matte Ink™ Un-Nude Liquid Lipstick, “Huntress” — Maybelline, $9.49

Maybelline’s Super Stay Matte Ink collection might be, quite possibly, my favorite line of lip glosses out right now. They’re longer lasting than any other lipstick I’ve tried (including ones that claim to stay up to 24 hours), they feel nice on the lips and the color selection is divine. I love the array of bright pinks to darker mauves, each one distinct from the next.

“Huntress” may look purplish, but it leans more toward a grey color. A good way to prep for how you’ll look when they pull your body from a frozen lake somewhere near Manitoba.

5. Enrich Moisturizing Face Lotion — Trader Joe’s, $4.49

Trader Joe’s is a wonderland of fruits, veggies, frozen pizzas, different types of strange butter and yes, even beauty essentials. Their “enrich” moisturizing face lotion is a must. It’s filled with vitamins, it’s fragrance-free and it’s soft on the skin (as someone with highly sensitive skin, I can vouch for this!). Ideal for day-to-day use — plus, it’s got SPF 15!

You know, it’s said that regular daily use of SPF 15 sunscreen can reduce your risk of developing squamous cell carcinoma by about 40%, and lower your melanoma risk by 50%. However, since in the US 1 in 2 women and 1 in 3 men will develop cancer in their lifetime, the odds are kinda against us no matter what.

And, I mean come on, what is SPF 15 realistically going to do for us when the sun finally explodes and the only ones who aren’t charred to bits are the elite who can afford to escape planet earth and float freely in the galaxy, away from the terrors of mortal existence on our scorched planet? You know, the same people who gave money to the corporations responsible for 70% of the world’s carbon emissions that directly caused the scenario that burnt us all to ash. The same people who can afford to not have to search out inexpensive beauty finds just to make their lives a little less grim?

6. Cherry Bomb Megalast Lip Color — Wet ’n’ Wild, $2.69

I read about this lipstick on Refinery29 in one of their articles that surprisingly wasn’t about teabagging. They said it was a solid dupe for Tom Ford’s Bruised Plum lipstick, at a whopping over $50 price difference. While Wet ’n’ Wild may not have the same luxurious feel as Tom Ford, at that price difference will it matter?

I mean, does anything really matter? Eventually, all these beauty products will crumble and fall apart, like our bones deteriorating from a number of diseases we’re susceptible to, like rheumatoid arthritis, osteoporosis, diabetes or, if we’re really lucky, not a disease at all but the radioactive fallout from a nuclear holocaust brought on by the arrogance of megalomaniacal world leaders.

The crazy thing is, early studies from the Cold War suggested that billions of humans could survive the immediate effects of nuclear blasts and radiation following a global thermonuclear war. It would be the secondary effects like environmental consequences, societal breakdowns and economic collapses that would indirectly contribute to human extinction. In that event, Wet ’n’ Wild’s Cherry Bomb Megalast Lip Color might not be long-lasting enough to survive a nuclear winter. Something to keep in mind when you’re filling up your shopping cart at Ulta.

7. Take The Day Off Cleansing Balm (1oz) — Clinique, $9.50

Nothing removes makeup faster and with more efficiency than Clinique’s Take the Day Off cleansing balm. Not only does it effectively wipe off any makeup (even some of those long-lasting ones), it leaves no stains or residue behind AND moisturizes and hydrates in the process. Because being kind to your skin is the least you can do when the grim reaper is creeping up on you little by little each day.

What are some of your favorite inexpensive beauty finds? Drop your suggestions in the comments! XOXO!